Yes, we exist!

This is not my story, or yours or anyone.

This is about us. “US” being a reference to that 1 among 10 people,

“the introvert world.”

The unnoticed, 

The least understood,

The misinterpreted one’s.

Maybe we lack that exuberance outside. It is not that we do not wish to be visible or there is an absence of undying willingness to remind people time and again that we’re here to live a life which works according to the way it should. This 

is to the people who struggle through crowds. It appears like everyone’s going to judge us for anything and everything. What if we fail to connect? What if our words fail to pop out from our mouths at the right time when we finally recollect our thoughts to share it with people. Why just thoughts? We struggle through basic talks, while arguments and debates remain a dreamed but wayward aspects of our nature. Why is that our favourite seat happens to be placed at the corner of a room always, is that while we peek through spaces of people around to search for a place where we ought to be unchaperoned. a place where we find solace. Is it that we are in despair all the time? No. We find maximal peace with ourselves. While you can look at us appear to be totally blank , while you may find extreme peace sitting next to us. But if you happen to be given a super power to look through our minds,  you might be left startled through our thoughts and the marathons they play with one another and while we ourselves fail to decide which one won finally. It is because while you are totally abled to pounce on things and make them a topic of discourse, we happen to lack doors to let them out which ultimately creeps in there and entangles for existence with other presumptions. We are the uninvited lot for gatherings which partially happens to be our own reluctance to show up. Its not that we are unfriendly. Who doesn’t want friends and peers? But when you have experiences through early stages of life and sometimes throughout a lifetime, you acknowledge souls who have failed to understand the complexity of natures in people and us, being specific. We guard ourselves from distress coz it leaves an undying effect on our souls forever. You find us totally content when we have just ourselves through hours and days and weeks. We happen to charge our will through it, a will to manage through happenings and people we face now and then. We are not exasperated on plans getting cancelled. Infact we find a sigh of relief.

A relief to not have to face folks again, even for sometime. 

There’s a multitude of shades of us. 

This happens to be the start. 

Just why?

Just when things seem to be working well,

My mind sets to make up for better things,

Just when I no longer long for peace while I have one,

When smiles turn out to be real,

When the only thing I have to worry about is what I want to actually do with my life,

When time starts to slip so peacefully like life will no longer give me the type of pain I already have acknowledged,

Just when the negativity left me long back to never show its face again,

It all comes back to where it all started.

The comeback of despair, the unending mood swings, thrashing me all over.

While I stopped letting things affect me and left the world on its own,

When I was least concerned about what people think about me or even if I became a topic of their discourse,

Hand in hand, word by word I travelled through their minds segregating things about me into perceptions and decisions,

I remember when people’s reactions had an impact on me, even if it left me with sleepless nights,

I had surpassed that time,

I have way for better things only if fate lets me do things on my own.

“Can you just shut up?” the mind literally shouts at me.

I carried a bundle of things that today I realise were nothing but imaginations to things that “what if I did this?” or “what if I said this?” or even “what should I do if this happened?”.

It took me quite long to realise it all was a made up story of this extra smart brain.

Leave me for a while,

I need to breath,

Leave me for a while,

I want to live.

Dark is the new light

Fear of darkness,

Remains a story of years gone by,

And I’m suddenly no longer fearful of the night. 

Why did it just happen?

I searched for answers long enough,

Until the day i realised the answers lies within .

While i was afraid of unseen demons who i thought were ever ready to pounce on me while i was asleep or trying hard to sleep,

Or just was reluctant enough to go inside a dark room shadowed by the absence of light at every corner,

While facing the night sky was like facing something paranormal , the feeling was long gone.

As for today, nothing in this world gives me peace any near to a sky full of stars and me under it facing it long enough for hours..

There was something that had changed with time,

I no longer searched for happiness in people, 

Which i thought was a matter of concern because for me people were a job,

A job that tired me,

But it is said natures change with time.

Even if it changed something within me,

It couldn’t change the fact that peace is the foremost thing that gave me the kind of strength no person in form could give .

A sudden realisation of the fact that demons lies even in people you can feel ,touch and watch them act like they’re the best souls alive ,all they could ever do is burn the solitude in you,

Makes you realize that at the end of the day the only person you’re left with is you. 

You are allowed to cry, you’re allowed to scream.

Why to fear the darkness filled with unseen savages while you can actualy see them in bright day light?

This happened to teach things that i never could have imagined i actually can think of,

That people in specific can give you pain that persists for ever,

And that all you need is that one person to tell you how every change in someone’s life bring forth a bundle of possibilities to why we never understand the fact that some things are right in front of our eyes while we fear them of actually seeing them for real and others of which we’re sure are just illusions.

This person you need is- YOU.

​There’s no love like her love.

I know a girl. Like i know her from head to toe.

From every nerve in her body to the shadows of her soul.

The brightest one. The ever giving.

It’s like to have a sky full of stars that refuses to give up on lightening the world through those dark days in your life. 

You got to be lucky enough to come across her. And to let her be a part of your life story because let me tell you, if she happens to be a part of your life it has to be a big one.

Yes i adore her for the person she is. 

For the impact she has on souls which she never agrees upon when i tell her.

And i don’t feel guilty at all for flaunting the person she is and the fact that i have her is because i pity the ones that don’t. 

She has the power to brighten up your day just by her poppy charm,  as she drifts around in her utmost frolic nature. 

She can appear to you as the happiest person on this earth even if she is broken to the core. She can get through your problems like she has none.

She can look after you like you’re the only one they have and they could never give you up.

But most importantly she is the one you can die for.

Yes! Such is she.

Someone with a heart so full of love and compassion.

She is the living example of what people write poems about in search of that perfect soulmate.

A perfect companion in any form. It is while i call her perfect and she denies it like ” it’s the most amusing thing she has heard about herself”. Which she obviously throws away in laugh.
She is there, standing amidst all the chaos winning every battle she comes across, and mindful of hopes to fight through whatever life throws at her. 

She is the one who is right now living life like no one else because she is the way how life is lived.

 

She is like a festival,

The one you celebrate each day while she stands to be the centre of all happiness you could ever witness in a group of friends.

She is the one i refuse to give up on.

It’s life, anyway.

​You don’t know what a person went through,

Until you realise that person you once talked to no longer exists. 

And when the changes affect you,

Its then, you realise you just became a part of the same story you once thought was of just that someone who actually suffered. 

While this is not the case.

You don’t suffer alone.

While you stand to be the centre point of all sufferings and people connected with it,

The connection passes on the effect.

And then what happens is what brings the chaos.

The changes that change you and the people around in ways they hardly notice , or they do!

The changes that make them do things they weren’t capable of doing once.

They do it anyway.

Yes, I’m speaking out of my own experiences . I have had a tough time handling situations which i never dreamed of can actually happen to  me, or even if i had to face it, the life that would accompany it will be of what type. Something like living just for the sake of living , or,  for people whom you matter to.

There are cases where someone who has actually faced it all, and has no one left with. No one to talk to about things,

No one to listen, no one to help them go through things in manners they could survive furthur and start a fresh. 

Such circumstances do not happen or come to you at one go, they show their existence in the near future with hints you sometimes fail to notice while you should by anyway. And if you happen to take them as early as possible, that is when you have a chance to skip the mishappening that could change your life in a way you do not wish it did, like that calamity that comes uninvited and shakens you for bad. 

These incidents are milestones in some way.

For the simple reason to where they take you from where you once existed to where you bring about an inception of a new life. 

An incognito of something that is bound to happen to you,  an excuse to lead to things you are made for and the further episodes in fate that follows the good and bad.

And right when you stop reckoning for reasons to why it all happened, that is when you realise you are there in somewhere between realisation of the changes that just took place and future effects to what things will be from now.

There is something great about such mishappenings. And the power lies totally in your hands. You could take it in a way to blame yourself and life with people associated with it ,

Or make way for better things which you know just arrived which may have not been in the picture if you havn’t gone through it all.

These are chances that empower you in ways you hardly can imagine. 

Its natural to lose someone or the other at every point of life. You can’t go by every phase of life having the same bunch of comrades and adding up in it in process. You need to leave some of them willingly or unwillingly because they do not fit in with your views or life in the process of growing up. Or maybe they do not carry a positive outlook which with time is revealed to you furthur. 
And while we ponder for reasons , assumptions, and how life be so complex and incontinent ,Why does it never happen as per our will. We forget that the concept of a perfect life is just imaginary. You can have perfect hours and days, but life all in all is sheer inperfection. And that is what makes it beautiful while you yourself stand confound to everything that is just brought up to you by it.

It just happens.